Inner Healing — Breaking Free From Inner Vows
Sometimes the Problem Isn’t the Problem
As I began preparing this message, I found myself reflecting on how grateful I am for what God has done in my life. There have been seasons I would never want to live through again, but I am grateful that I went through them because I can now see things I couldn’t see at the time. There were moments when I asked, “God, where are You?” Yet God had not forgotten me.
That experience shaped something I want to share: often the problem isn’t the problem. Our reaction to the problem is the problem.
When we experience pain, fear, rejection, or trauma—especially when we are young—we can make decisions about how we will protect ourselves in the future. Those decisions can become what I call inner vows.
Small Things Can Have a Big Impact
I’m going to use an old electrical contactor to illustrate this. Years ago, a crusher we were using kept malfunctioning. We replaced expensive equipment, brought in specialists, checked the generator, and tried all sorts of things. Eventually, an electrician named Bob Crawford looked at it with fresh eyes, found a small faulty contactor, replaced it, and the problem was solved.
That little switch had cost us tens of thousands of dollars in lost production and unnecessary repairs.
The people who had been working on the problem had their own assumptions about what was wrong. They simply hadn’t thought of the possibility that the contactor switch might be broken.
Sometimes our lives can be like that. Assumptions and preconceived ideas can blind us to the real problem. An inner vow may seem small or even helpful when we first make it, but it can have a much greater impact on our lives than we realize.
What Is an Inner Vow?
A traditional vow is a sacred promise made publicly or to God. An inner vow is different. It is a silent, subconscious promise we make to ourselves, often as a defense against pain or trauma.
We may say things like:
- “I will never let anyone get close to me again.”
- “I will never be vulnerable to anyone.”
- “No one will ever hurt or control me again.”
- “I will always take care of myself because no one else will.”
- “I will never depend on another person.”
- “I will never be like my mother.”
- “I will never be like my father.”
Some of these statements can sound like good resolutions. But the important question is: Where did they come from?
Were they born out of trust in God, or were they born out of fear, pain, judgment, and a desire to protect ourselves?
Inner Vows Are the Tracks We Laid Down
One of the clearest pictures, I think, is that of a railroad.
Our adult life can be like an engine running on tracks that were laid down when we were young. The engine may be perfectly capable of going somewhere different, but a train cannot change direction simply because the engineer wants to. The track has to be switched.
Inner vows can lay down those kinds of tracks in our hearts and minds.
We may desperately want healthy relationships, intimacy, trust, freedom, or peace, but find ourselves repeatedly responding in the same ways because we are still traveling on an old track.
An inner vow might say, “I will never let anyone get close to me again,” while our heart longs for connection. Or, “I must always take care of myself,” while God is inviting us to learn to trust Him and accept help from others.
The question is not simply, “Why do I keep doing this?”
Sometimes we need to ask, “What track am I still running on?”
When Self-Protection Leaves God Out
Jesus speaks about vows in Matthew 5:33–37, reminding us to let our “yes” be yes and our “no” be no.
The problem with an inner vow is not simply that we made a promise. The deeper issue is that we can begin depending on ourselves rather than God.
An inner vow can become a form of self-protection: I will make sure this never happens again. I will never allow myself to be hurt like that again. I will always be in control.
But when we do that, we can leave God out of the very place where we need Him most.
Jeremiah 17:5 warns against trusting in ourselves and depending on human strength, while verse 7 presents a contrasting picture of the person who trusts in the Lord.
Jesus wants us to be free. He came to bind up the brokenhearted and set the captive free. He wants to bring healing to the places where we have been wounded rather than allowing us to spend our lives protecting those wounds.
The False Security of an Inner Vow
Inner vows can create a sense of security because they make us feel as though we are in control.
But that security can actually become a prison.
I shared three ways inner vows can affect our lives:
1. False security
They can feel like control in the moment, but ultimately become self-imposed restrictions.
2. Repeated cycles
We can find ourselves repeatedly responding in unhealthy ways. Sometimes we even end up repeating the very behaviors we once judged in others.
3. Blocked growth
Inner vows can hinder emotional maturity and make it difficult to develop deep, authentic relationships.
We may not even remember making the vow. We were simply trying to survive or protect ourselves when we were younger. But what helped us cope then may be hurting us now.
Let God Switch the Track
I shared the story of the three little pigs to illustrate what happens when we try to protect ourselves in our own strength. When the wolf came, each pig relied on the house he had built.
We can do something similar. When something painful comes against us, we can say, “I’ve got this. I will protect myself. I will never let that happen again.”
But God offers us something better than self-protection.
Instead of depending on our own inner vows, we can depend on Jesus.
Instead of allowing an old track to determine our direction, we can invite the Holy Spirit to reveal what is underneath our reactions and bring healing to the original wound.
James 5:16 reminds us of the connections between confession, prayer, and healing. We need to pray, “I come out of agreement with this vow,” and then repent for making it, and surrender it to Jesus.
What Track Are You On?
As we come to communion, I encourage each of you to examine yourself and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal anything that may be keeping you stuck.
Perhaps something in your life feels “a little off.” Perhaps you know you keep repeating a pattern, even though you genuinely want to change.
It may be worth asking God, “Have I made an inner vow?”
What did you decide about yourself, other people, or life when you were hurting? What did you promise yourself you would never allow to happen again?
And could that decision now be keeping you from trusting God in an area where He wants to bring healing?
The good news is that Jesus gave His life so that we could be free. He came to bind up the brokenhearted. He came to bring healing and wholeness.
Sometimes freedom begins with something as simple as saying, “I never thought of that.”
And then allowing God to switch the track.